Psycho-Magnet

Recently, something rather unpleasant happened. Well perhaps not unpleasant but definitely not useful, enjoyable or pleasing. Our little group dynamic was ruined upon entry of some people from another course, Peak Leaders, who had arrived early and were having to stay in our hotel. We were assured that it would only be a week, and fortunately it was, but dear Christ it felt like longer. At first they seemed like two unassuming, middle-aged women, but soon proved to be capable of being very troublesome indeed.

One of them was blonde (dyed, heavily), wore an excessive amount of foundation, whose thickness defied gravity and had a face that looked like she was sucking on a wasp, or at best, like she was wearing very ill fitting dentures. Not a pretty sight. However when you didn't have to look at the other one's face, the main cause of trauma was the completely psychotic nature of this other woman, who actually wasn't that bad looking. But she had crazy eyes, which freaked me out, probably visibly, but that was okay because it seemed to help me escape from her latter line of fire. I, unfortunately, have had some exposure to people of a somewhat ' unstable' or 'unconventional' disposition, perhaps to the point where I would say that it might perhaps be the karma of my sarcastic and rude observations which causes them to come into my life so frequently, which pleases me oh so much.

Basically, their arrival was timed with that of one of the Chef's handsome buddies who came from Hawaii, have the usual stereotype of a ripped beach bum and you're not far off. It was quite amusing because everyone else proceeded to get jealous of this mysterious tanned fellow with his 'attractive charm' and proceeded to call him a 'beardy hobo' and a plethora of other utterly soul crushing insults. Anyway, these two women and a girl from my course went out with him on a debauched night on the town in Bariloche, ended up getting a bit drunk, aside from the sketchy woman, who doesn't drink (surprise surprise) and coming back to one room and all falling asleep in one bed. I heard from two people that 'nothing had happened' and they'd all been drunk and fallen asleep whilst watching family guy, however, I also heard from the bunny boiler that they'd all fallen asleep, at which point she'd 'left' and she'd presumed 'other things' had happened. Probably to plan her sick schemes and think indecent thoughts, the damn psycho. I was luckily excluded from the ensuing scenario as I feared that I'd say the wrong thing and get stabbed in a dark alleyway by this sadistic monstrosity, and chose not to join them that night.

However the next morning, the psycho bitch surfaced at about 12 noon and started accusing one of the others about sleeping with this Hawaiian dude, whom she had supposedly 'pulled' after he had sunk about 12 fernet and cokes (a considerably stronger and substantially more evil mix than your average vodka and coke), and her, none, so that she could be a freaky manipulating stalker and tempt him into her bed (which didn't work because she stank of desperation). This argument was all done very publicly and turned out to be very embarrassing to watch, let alone be involved in.

Anyway, she didn't let it drop and stropped about the hotel shouting at people and demanding if there was 'some kind of problem about her within the group'. Unfortunately we had to ski with her for a few days as they asked Mark whether they'd be allowed to come into our lessons for a small fee. This caused a certain amount of awkwardness, as you might imagine, and the accused girl demanded that we ski away from them one afternoon, Mark obliged as he said 'her voice pissed him off ' and was more than pleased to cast her into oblivion for the afternoon. So he bluntly said, as we got of the chairlift, 'yeah so I'm going to take my group this afternoon, my priority is with them and not you, enjoy yourselves.' Naturally this did not go down well with the histrionic specimen and come 3.30, we felt her wrath, storming up to us and saying 'it was far too sudden', and that 'she didn't feel it was proper behaviour' and again asking whether there was something between 'her and the group'.

This continued the until the next morning, and then worsened, when she stormed into our room demanding a lift pass as hers had run out. Now forgive me if I'm being a bit harsh, but if your pass has run out, it's your own fault and noone else should care, or even attempt to help you, there is no injustice in this matter and you are the only idiot, the git amongst the pigeons...so to speak. She, however, disagreed and burst in when two of us were sleeping and the other was naked, trying to get dressed (or sodomise us, I'm not sure which) and basically attempted to blackmail a day's skiing of us. We promptly told her to fuck off, being previously asleep, hungover, aware of her psychotic tendencies and one of us Scottish (considering these factors, I'd say that was mild reaction). She then went down and moaned at Mark, who, it turns out, had already sorted her with a lift pass, and told her, but just didn't give it to her straight away, due to being busy with some other organisational issue. This caused another enormous display of emotion and shouting, which resulted in Mark shouting back at her and her finally backing off from him. Unfortunately, she then turned on me and started asking me what the issue was with her and members of the group, a million questions a second. I had no choice but to throw my hands in the air and tell her, simply, to piss off, and that it was her own issue and that I would have nothing to do with her, her arguments, problems or anything else for that matter, did not and would never care (That's what you get when you bother a Birch when they are up earlier than they are accustomed to, trying to eat their breakfast in peace). This repeated itself throughout the day, we all became very bored of her and our manners vanished rapidly.

Basically, the tone of the trip was soured by this horrid woman and the morale thoroughly dampened, our patiences tested to the limit and our tempers exhausted. We were unhappy and looking forward to her leaving, forever, and moving into our spacious, and liberating cabin as promised. Goodness were we mislead.